Whale semen has been used for centuries by the Inuit people as an anti-aging balm.

What the holy fuck?

~Pr0n

So this Saturday morning my mom waked my up early to go to the church, yes it is a tradition in third-world Philippines; yes basically I am an atheist; and yes I’m being forced to go there, it wasn’t a very early mass as I would often expect(when I was about 5 or something, when we go to Sunday mass, it was still dark) fuck it, it was even way too late, but hey this is a new era, a new age of laziness.

So the mass started okay, with me sitting a few inches away from my classmates, which makes it so hard to do some crazy stuff, well it is already hard since my mother is there but who cares eh? I didn’t listen to the mass, as I normally would, frankly, I don’t give a serious fuck about God, though a lot of people may get angry, who gives a fuck about them either.

A lot of time passes by as I acted interested, then I realized that if I twist my head a few degrees, sure enough I can see a foreigner. Though its not that really a big deal for me, but I love to see my fellow kababayans look in utter awe out of a white man(foreigners are rare here).

So I get it, I must do goodwill, that’s basically the same message passed unto me every time I enter church. A lot of stuff happens which fail to inspire me or even fuck with my short attention span, I already did this stuff before, nothing new, nothing amazing.

Five years ago, I was heavily bored with this shit, until now I AM STILL FUCKING BORED. Nothing new comes out, every time the reverend father gives a unnecessarily wordy sermon which can be summarized as “Do some fucking good for fucking free and every time you do it, shout out ‘Jesus is our savior, give all the fucking credit to him’”, I wander off thinking that he pulls an AK-47 out of his robes, tear off the said robes to show full military gear, rains bullets, and shouts :”LOVE JESUS, OUR SAVIOR, HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!, OR ELSE PUNISHMENT WILL BE IN LEAD”, and then utter chaos ensues.

~Pr0n, I do update this blog ONCE A month!!

This is a collection of things I’ve found on the web to be downright wrong, amusing, or otherwise bat-fuck insane. So here we go;

Social Networking Sites
I don’t understand the purpose, I would get it if its a forum or something where you can talk but what!? Lets look at friendster for example, you can blog on it, but its stupid and many other sites are excellent when it come down to it, I mean blogging with friendster is like trying to crawl your way though a tub filled with razor-sharp blades blindfolded and arms bound. Okay maybe its with the whole “my profile/my page” thing, I am so angry whenever a dumb fuck person says that their profile is better that others, I mean they just copy/pasted the code from somewhere else, and even that, its just stupid CSS tricks, why don’t you make your own site if you want to make glitters and such, fuck its so annoying “Ooo I have updated my profile, look it its cool” WHY? do you need to update your profile? WHY? WHY? WHY? whats the purpose? other than sheer ugly stupidity, to impress people? what that you found a cool profile? Because they sure as hell can’t find it too with google. Holy fuck whats the purpose!! unless there’s new content, for standards compliance, for anything other than the idiotic idea that we have that copy/pasting “cool” stuff makes you cool.

And why is it that whenever someone comments you, you have to fucking comment back!? Your wasting bandwidth and electricity just so you can say “Thanks for commenting on my profile!”. I don’t see the purpose, neither the logic, you suck.

Image Sites
Okay, you’re proud of your pictures, buy WHY? Why do you need to make a web page about them? Seriously, unless you’re making eye bleeding art, who gives a fuck about your pictures, only a couple of people will seriously consider opening your own page, and these people are your own friends, which only open your page because of your influence or you tell them to do so. Why do I need to see some random faggot’s picture, I don’t know! Its just a waste of time. I can’t stress how I don’t want to see what you are up to during your summer vacation, or your night out, I don’t give a damn about you, unless you’re a smart and interesting person(people who can educate me) then I will probably look at your pictures, you attention hungry whore.

Yahoo
Seriously hate yahoo, I like Google a ton more than yahoo, yahoo is gay. If I need videos, I go to youtube, I’ll open news and sports sites when I want to, all I want for a search engine to do is to fucking search, not to spread open my mouth and try to fill it with a boat load of crap and useless shit.

Scam
What? I can enlarge my penis, really I can grow it to the size of an log. Really scam sites are pathetic, there are more free stuff than you can offer. I can’t really visualize on how a spammer looks like typing his/her arse shit of a spam, or the same with a troll, why are there people that constantly need to verify their existence by stirring things up, okay I like stirring things up, with a proper basis, not with a half-assed half-researched idea.

~Pr0n(forgot the ASCII code for the ™ thing, so fuck you!)

Okay I really hate ABS-CBN right now, their onslaught of bad acting, bad directing, and over-all bad shows, make me puke red hot blood. What follows is my commentary to the only Lobo show I ever watched, seriously, I hate ABS-CBN.

The episode starts with Zoe, Noah’s sister, whom is having a tough as not-shaven-man-ass relationship with Lyka (A reference to the space dog, but all respect is lost since the Lyka character is stupid and very unoriginal, uninspired and a whole lotta “uns”), finds Lyka and her man-toy(AKA, buff extra with a failed relationship, and whose whole purpose is just for enticing more girls) naked, sweating, panting, and fondling(Well not really) after transforming from piss-ass “askals”(Phillipine version of flea-ridden mutt). The both were a “Lobo” who is a werewolf wannabee, just think of any werewolf without the kick-assery, and were just reverting to their wimpy human form, might as well call the show “Askal:we can’t afford proper effects to create an actual werewolf so you got stuck with trained dogs, and stupid ’special’ effects” damn right special, special child.

So basically, in good telenovela pattern, Noah follows Zoe, and sees the fuck-nut-of-the-scene. Zoe freaks the hell out, Noah flips out, Lyka jumped three meters up in the air, and died via being impaled with a steaming hot mettalic object I can only refer to as “freedom”, and the man-toy puts in a tight-fitting gimp costume and got a hard-on.

Fast forward to Noah house where Zoe is going like; “Holy shit, did I just saw some freedom justice over four frames ago?? Holy Fuck!” then Noah goes; “I gotta trust the love, the love and the peace, we must praise the eternal kingdom” and goes all non-manlike and over-all pussy. Then Lyka enters the scene with a hair just looks liked it swam the Great Atlantic Bedsheet, tries to explain to Noah Cheapo-Acto and his sister Zoe Wanna-Emo that she wasn’t screwing her love-slave, but she can’t tell the truth since Noah pretty much wants to murder every living Lobo, so what can Lyka say that matches her, naked, sweating, and with her “friend”, who is always by her side, kinda like an over-protective sex-hungry boyfriend or a bodyguard, now pick a reasonable scenario. After much fussing about Zoe then goes into a trance, not a hot trance like the one in 300(the prophet girl thingy, now that was HOT), she goes like a epiliptic trance that can only be described as between shitting an elephant, being blind, high, and then an epileptic attack. Noah then takes her to some undisclosed location, Lyka, meanwhile, fails to walk, or even act as the screen blackens, simple Lyka fails at any reaction and just looks like a poor, wet, napkin.

Then some regretably random stuff happens, some taling, crying, and some srious randomness. Then, afterwards, we look at Lyka, frocibly crying and looking like an ass. Lyka is trying to talk Noah out of beleiving his own sister that there wasn’t anything special while she and her lackey were alone, naked, and sweating profusely(god I think I’m over stressing the naked, sweat, and alone thing). Lyka turns on the waterworks(also known in the kingdom of shloo-vlok as ‘faky teary’) to maximum level, Noah tries to say something but is always interupted by Lyka saying; “No I won’t lose you NOOOAAAAHHH!!! NOAAAHH!!! I fucking blowed my brains out trying to scrap an relationship over you where I could find a very relaxing and much better one with my man-candy, but NOOO, I fucking squeezed love out of out utter shit of an situation(kudos for Lyka for forcing herself even though she is in breaking point, extreme non logic but hard woman-balls kudos)”. Noah slaps the hell out of Lyka, says that its okay, some happiness went on as mucus oozes from Lyka’s nose. Then he goes guns-blazing as he says “Will you marry me” WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!! Where is the logic? Where is reality? Left behind in a puddle of goo. WTF! What happened here, he just saw Lyka seemingly trying to do her man-toy. What kind of desparate fuck this Noah character is? Is he really that lonely to try to secure their relationship with a wedding ring even after seeing her Lyka doing that guy(whose name I conveniently forgot so I just used words like “man-toy”),well at least in his perspective, and according to basic telenovela rules, or even real life, hell even physics says that that his perception is that Lyka was just getting boned hard, hence the sweat, even Zoe said so, and she is his fucking sister. A lot of stuff happens, Noah’s father, who is a Lobo killer of sorts, accepted Lyka with open arms, Zoe says “I love you, I’m sorry, I am an lesbian and since your mind-blowingly hot, I wan’t you to marry Noah so I can secretly lick you dry”, so now I get it, Noah whole family is a retarded mixing-bowl of creeps, or they officially support multiple partners, which isn’t half bad either.

Damn it, Noah’s whole family is a total freaking retarded bunch. Lyka is having the worst of days into the best of days into the worst again since she is marrying a Lobo killer, fuck her, and Zoe is still emo in my eyes and too over protective of Noah, can’t blame her though, still, incest is a bad bad thing, if your the one doing it, but a very very good thing if I am looking at it, INCEST ALL THE WAY, INCEST ALL THE WAY.

At least Lobo has some high quality babes.

~pR0n©

Eh, I was supposed to say that I will edit this because this is short, but I am way toooo lazy.

So Endemol and ABS-CBN made a deal to broadcast the pinoy version of Big Brother, that was stupid, the first try was hardly bearable, then they shift back and forth form D-lister celebrities and the stupid “teen” editions.

Okay first, lets try the first one, sadly though I can’t be forced to watch this hot pile of horse shit, but the premise was new, and people chomped through it like AIDS in dark alley.

So basically the first part was popular because it was dead-fish fresh, its not good, but when cooked and added with a LOT of spices, it become edible.

Then, the first people to get affected by the “PBB trend” started appearing, the most popular, most controversial, and definitely most handsome(retarded women who always say: “Ohhhhh, I want a smart, dependable, funny, and has a good personality kind of guy” means that they want a hot steaming stud) became, can you guess it? artistas, the most famous example of this is the Sam Milby case, wherein a no talent, horse shit of an actor gets nation-wide fame and acclaim because retarded people go into the flow and watch Sam’s pink, fluffy, and over-all non-realistic movies, filled to the brim with his crappy acting and(I can say its improving a bit) fucked up accent. The other housemates weren’t so lucky, some went on to guest in some late night “comedy” shows, though watching the same gags for about a whole season isn’t funny, more or less the show is just stupid and kwela and yet since most pinoys are either stupid or kwela or really, really high, they bite it. Some sticked to some sunday afternoon time waster like tourism shows, and retarded sports shows, overall Sam was the only one left standing.

So then there was the D-listers of lore, I can remember a few since, what the heck, I’ll just give a analysis of some of the crazies. First off is John Prats, or, Mr. I’m So Perfect, I Shine With Confidence, yet, I Am Gay, yes, through extensive research and just looking at his fake-ass smiles you would guess that Mr. Prats is seriously gay. Then I can remember “Mang Ruby” I think? Kinda forgot his name. He is your usual athlete who got rejected because of an accident, well all athletes in the Philippines eventually will be forgotten and rejected. I’d also like to think that “Mang Ruby” was shot by a tank, but I kinda forgot, so anyway he has prosthetic legs, which was cool if only he came out the same time as the Transformers movie did, which oh so diluted the whole Transformers thing with hollywood-ing, fuck you Micheal Bay, fuck you for totally misinterpreting what Transformers was all about, its not the effects, its not the number of fucking polygons, you totally missed that part, I wish that the movie was just animated, that way it would still be loyal to the source, and WTF? is with the Sam character, since when do pathetic lazy ass freaks get the ultra-hot girl, eh? when was that when I needed it? eh!

So there was this girl, forgot here name, ah! oh yeah, Keana Reeves, I think, who has boobs as heavy as real watermelons. I mean, it has got to be a guiness world record, I mean WOW!, I just grow a boner, and it got away since the boobs might crush it! I mean its fucking disproportional! you can’t even believe it, I mean its like heave Double D’s or better yet, E’s or whatever, its just phenomenally big. I say……….

BOOBS!!!

big, its….its….HOLY CRAP!!

Okay, unto more pressing subjects, I can vaguely remember Boob-Girl won that edition, who cares, certainly I don’t since I don’t have any profit from it.

So now I’ll look into the new PBB, filled with “variety” to the brim you’d think this is trying too fucking hard, theres one in every scene, bisayas, foreigners, and god knows what. Really this is like a Christian show trying to be diverse too hard, except this doesn’t say “ALLELUIA!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST FOR THE CREATION OF EVERYTHING, LET THOSE STUPID, STUPID, PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR MODERN LIFESTYLE AND CONVENIENCE BURN FOR SHUNNING OUR ONLY SAVIOR WHO GAVE US THE MAGIC OF…WELL…..BELIEF IS THE ULTIMATE POWER!!!!!” every fucking half-a second(Impossible I know, but those damn pesky Christians know how to). And its filled with cheap ass stupidity-for-a-joke, theres a difference between stand up comedians and The Three Stooges, figure it out and you will figure out how I hate this kind of “comedy”.

Okay so basically theres just the endless wad of horse pus coming out of PBB, the whole thing is just wank-thankfully-stupid(WTF??) So I’ll end here since I forgot what I was talking about for the last paragraphs or so and just lambasted you with “dirty” words.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

There, thats my whole review if you want the summarized version.

And BTW, why did I only made this now?

~pR0n©

Okay, I admit it, I really, reeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy, get pissed off whenever Kris Aquino comes on TV, I mean really, she’s like 40-60 years old or something, and fat as hell, and am I the only one who still remembers about her orally-transmitted-sexual-disease or whatever it is, plainly she can die in a tub of her own blood. Dang! whenever I see her my blood boils, whenever she tries to bring life to her pathetic, overused acting, I cry.

So needless to say, my utter hate against all things Kris transfers to her waste of a show called wheel of fortune. With the trend towards copying shows from other American stations, like Big Brother, and other shite, they copied the worst game show ever, WHEEL OF FUCKING FORTUNE!I already hate the premise, and so far the lack of toughness, I mean how pathetic is it that contestants can spout out the correct answers in under 5 seconds, thats not even enough time to think, its like intuition to them, how drool. The only ones to actually feel pressure on the riddles are low-life artistas.

All of the time spent watching Wheel Of Fortune pinoy version is like, shall I say, masturbating, but instead of with your hands, its with a katana. Its annoying, Kris shouting in the famous bitch-tone, “Wheeeeel of FORtune!!”. I swore I could die, and I almost did.

Do yourself a favour, step away from the filth

~Pr0n©

….and molest you, use you, throw you around, then point and laugh, then blame everything on you.

Thats basically how life is, you get fucked up most of the time. Its just a pond of leeches, thats why you have to be greedy to succeed, you have to think of you’re own. Only one king rules a kingdom, not two, not three, not a posse, only one. Its not being selfish, its not being a asshole, its using your own talent and wit to go above others and propel yourself to victory, what, besides that you can only propel others, do you really want to rot why others are having a blast at you’re expense? No I don’t think so.

So forget about your friends, you tell me that they will help you in your time of need, that they will protect you from harm, and bring a smile to your face everytime your bitch fucks another guy, well theres three words to live by; Its my fault! Its your fault that your in need of cash cause you didn’t save up you dimwit, its your fault you got fucked up and got jailed, its your flaccid penis’ fault you can’t pleasure a whore, easily your fault, easily your mistake.

Thats why you can live on your own….alone….and contented that no fuck will ever use you but yourself

~Pr0n©